How is nonfinite loss defined?
Nonfinite loss is loss that is enduring and evolutionary in nature. A young girl is diagnosed with epilepsy or diabetes. Given her stage of development, what perspectives of this diagnosis can she actually "know"? Over her development, its meaning and significance will slowly evolve; the part which it ultimately plays in her life will be revealed only in retrospect. How will she define her loss? Largely by the benchmark provided by the lives of her peers.
Who else might experience nonfinite loss? Anyone who experiences the irrevocable loss of that which plays a central role in who they perceive themselves to be. Recurrent grief throughout life about the manifestations of this loss - be it a person, wish, dream, goal, health - identifies the loss as nonfinite.
In developmental terms, the 2004 text "Through Loss" includes the terms "indelible loss" to explore the effect of overwhelming losses that occur in childhood - and reverberate through an individual's forming identity.
Why is it important for mental health professionals to understand nonfinite loss?
Capturing the normality of loss and grief as paralleling a n individual's development and so shifting the focus from notions of acceptance to adaptation are key elements in therapy. Unfortunately, mental health professionals have often regarded grief as a process which has readily defined stages and phases leading towards an ultimate goal of acceptance. This creates considerable psychological tension for individuals whose grief does not follow this precise pattern. This pressure must be lifted. In understanding that nonfinite loss necessarily involves cyclic themes - lateral themes- mental health professional s can reduce the tension inherent in prescribed stages of grief and acceptance to normalise the recurrent nature of emotions.
How can a mental health professional identify a person experiencing nonfinite loss?
Any individual who has a life experience which creates a lack of synchrony with one's peers and "the world that should have been" will experience a type of nonfinite loss. A critical divergence from a personal path and plan, from mainstream and from peers, individuals experiencing nonfinite loss will invariably draw on words that reflect isolation, oddness, loneliness, and "difference" to describe their psychological state. Their perception will be that nobody saw their trauma and no-one understands their reality. Oftentimes, these feelings will be further complicate by the stigma attached to being different and a perceived rejection by peers. There will be an overwhelming perception that no-one truly knows them and a sensation that one has a secret life.
What are some examples of people experiencing nonfinite loss and what specialised therapeutic techniques can be used to counsel them?
Experiencing nonfinite loss could be likened to living in a house haunted by a ghost. The house represents the world as it really is- less that the ideal - and the ghost is the world that you once had expected - dreamt about; the ideal for you. Individuals who are experiencing nonfinite loss are grappling with relinquishing ideals or ways of being in the world which are normally taken for granted. The obstinate hovering ghost ( or maybe jester) may be that of a normal child, the healthy fit able body, the happy marriage, the loving unconditional mother and father, the athlete, the conflict-free family, a normal future. The examples are endless. Always, the grieving is complicated - and necessarily so! For instance, fearing the depth and irrevocability of their loss, individuals may avoid their grief. Often in the absence of social sanctions, the individual does not feel personally entitled to grieve. Perhaps through their childhood- this was also particularly the case.
How to live comfortably in the house - in the world that is evolving - by coming to terms with the ghost?
Three primary developmental and biographical contexts form the framework for therapy: the world that should have been (ideals), the world that is dreaded (fears), and messages learnt about self and what one is entitled to express ( self-talk, emotional and cognitive knots). Picture a trapeze between the world of ideals that must in some part be relinquished and the world that is evolving. Specialised therapeutic techniques are employed to shrink the potency of the ideals of the first, defuse the dread related to the latter, and manage the grieving related to the crossing over on the trapeze. Yet all the time - grieving and the expression of authentic emotions related to loss are given an entitled space for respect. Losses that "mean" - are always indelible in the part they take in our lives. "Through Loss" (2004) provides a self-help manual that will help individuals manage the crossing of these bridges.